you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
