i don't plan on having that self control this summer
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
