I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
