she was so not down for the gang bang
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
