I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
