During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
