My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
