A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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