i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
