I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Enjoy the penises
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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