I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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