so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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