Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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