I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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