it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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