I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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