She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
