Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
