Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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