I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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