She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
