I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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