lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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