The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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