if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
