I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
