I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
