Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
