you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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