She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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