someone threw a dead crab at me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
