I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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