Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.