i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.