Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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