I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.