I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices