I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore