when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.