i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
