chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
