Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
