even my farts smell like vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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