So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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