Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
