Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
