Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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