So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Randomize
