i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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