Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
