I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
