Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
