next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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