he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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