I wanna bring you to show and tell
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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