I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
