i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Two words: nipple clamps
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