don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
