I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
