Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
