who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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