Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
