Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
