WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
