at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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