thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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