I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
