Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
