marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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