he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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