i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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