Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
