i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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