I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
