So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
