My hand turned me down
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
