No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
