She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
