I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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