Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
